Remembering

Today is Grammy day, my grandmother's birthday.  She has been gone for over twenty years.  Every year I try to spend some time on this day to think of her and thank her for being in my life.  We were very close; she was my confidant, friend, and role-model.

This is a picture of us in 1971.  It is one of my favorite things.  It is what I would rescue from a burning building.

She gave me a love of being creative, of digging in the dirt, and a love of herb tea.  Before bedtime, I got to choose the ingredients for the tea pot.  I'm sure I concocted all manner of wretched combinations, but she never complained.  I always felt free to explore and experiment when I was with her.

Today, I have another loved one to remember.  We lost Toby last night.  My prince, my snuggle bunny, my creaky old man.  This is a picture I took of him on Roger's lap yesterday morning.

Toby was 5 or 6 when we got him from a local woman who used to do Boston Terrier breed rescue.  He was dirty, mangy, and had a persistent eye infection.  Despite these woes and pains, he was so sweet and friendly.  He was a simple boy.  Before coming to rescue, he had been found on the streets of Fresno.  We think he suffered some mild brain damage.  He never knew he was limited, he did what he did and seemed content to just be Toby.   He was all about love.

This is a link to my old LiveJournal with a cute photo essay of him.

I don't think he was ever abused in his life prior to us, but he hadn't had family privileges.  With us he learned about sitting on laps, riding in the car, and sleeping in bed.  He soaked up love and affection like a sponge.  He loved to sit on a lap, stand in the warm sun, and bask in any attention.  Toby never had a mean thing to say about anyone.  He was all about love.

In the last year or so, what remained of his eyesight and hearing faded away.  I "called" him to me by tapping him or blowing towards him.  He never lost his enthusiasm for being called and wanted.  He stumbled and bumbled his way through life, was a walking tripping hazard, but never, ever became a cranky or bitter dog.  He was all about love.

I will miss the way he would moan when we hugged and kissed him.  I will miss his warm little body snuggled up next to me while I knit or spin.  I will miss him hogging the bed.  I will miss him being his pure, loving self.

Goodnight sweet prince.  I love you.

Comments

[Jacquie]

I am so sorry to hear the sad news about Toby. It sounds like he was a typical Boston in many ways - the very best kind of companion - despite hogging the bed. You will miss him, but he'll be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.

[Debi]

I'm so sad to hear this news Maia. Toby seems like a charming sweet boy and I know you'll miss him but how lucky you were to have him share your world. My condolences to you and yours.

[jessie]

I remember my grandmother in just the same way. I was telling my daughter recently how I loved to do sleepovers at my grandmother's and how she would make me tea and toast before bedtime. I miss having someone indulge my every whim so patiently!

Sorry to hear about Toby. You gave him a wonderful life.

[Miki]

I am scratching Binkie's (my rescued Jack)head as I read this with tears in my eyes remebering my dogs. I am sorry for your loss but oh so happy for Toby's wonderful life with you.

[Lauren]

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was well loved.

I called my grandmother Grammy too, and she tried every summer for years to teach me to knit. There are many half-done potholders in a box somewhere. I didn't take up knitting for good until last year but I think of her all the time now and how proud she'd be of my new craft.

Here's to loved family, both human and canine. Best wishes on a difficult day.

[LaurieM]

My condolences to you. All I can think is that you've suffered a great loss today.

I love the picture of you and your Grammy.

[Julie]

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. Toby sounds like he was very special indeed! I'm sure he'll be very much missed. You gave him a loving and happy home while he was with you.

[Nanette]

I'm so sorry about Toby. He was such a sweetie!

[Nora]

I'm so sorry about your loss but happy to know that Toby had a great life with you.

I don't know what else to say. x

[Becca]

I'm so sorry Toby had to leave you. He sounds like the best kind of dog.

[Colette]

I'm so sorry to hear about Toby. These dogs come into our lives, latch onto our hearts and stay far too short a length of time.

"I could tell you the story of my life through the dogs I have loved. I could tell you the story of the losses in my life through their deaths. Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love and loyalty. They depart to teach us about loss. We try to replace them, but never quite succeed. A new dog never replaces an old dog; it merely expands the heart. If you have loved many dogs, your heart is very big."

Erica Jong - from an essay entitled "A Woman's Best Friend"

[Renna]

My heart breaks for you. Our dogs are like our children that never grow up. If only they didn't grow old, either. :-( Toby was indeed a precious looking dog. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[Janice]

So sorry about Toby! Sounds like he had a wonderful life with you. He was lucky. You were lucky. It was a win-win!

I love the quote in Becca's post... It is so true!! It sounds like Toby enlarged your heart a great deal!

[Kerry]

Oh sweetie I am so very sorry about Toby. I hope the wonderful memories you have of him help to lessen the pain of your loss. Hugs to you!

[Celia]

Oh, Maia! I'm so sorry to hear about Toby. Our little blind Schazi hogs the bed, too, but it's only because she is all about love, just like Toby. The stumbling and bumbling is all too familiar. I send you my sympathies as you mend the hole in your heart.

[Nina]

I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a lovely, little guy. May you find peace in your memories of him.

[DonnaC]

I was so moved by your post on your grandmother and Toby. I was raised in great part by my grandmother and she gave me her love of crafts. She was a wonderful woman and I'll never forget her. I wish I had a picture as beautiful as yours of the two of us.
We have a new puppy, a Portuguese Water Dog we named Lola. Today Lola chewed the corner of the cushion on my Ethan Allen couch. Although I didn't yell at her (it happened probably about an hour before I saw it) I was feeling blue about the whole thing. Reading about Toby though has given me the energy I need to get through these little bumps. Thanks for sharing.